I'm so thrilled to have made it this long after the emotional start and the grueling journey through exclusively pumping. It has been very hard on my body, my emotions, and my job but I have finally made it. I'm so proud of myself for making it this long but then I start to question myself for quitting now that I've come this far. I keep tricking myself into thinking that it isn't THAT hard. Don't I want to give my daughter the best? My supply is good, there are so many moms out there that would give anything to feed their babies breast milk; so why am I calling it quits? I'm still an emotional mess about the whole thing and every few minutes I change my mind about quitting and continue to beat myself up about it.
So why am I stopping? I need to stop analyzing my pumping output and stressing about whether I will have enough milk for the next day even though there is plenty in the fridge. I need to allow myself the time to sleep in past 4:50am. I need to socialize with my coworkers instead of sequestering myself in a tiny little room with my pump. I need to go to bed again without so many layers. I need to give myself the opportunity to do anything that I want for longer than 4 hour increments.
I'm stopping because I need to feel like myself again.
I'm so much more than a source of food for my daughter. I am a wife, a teacher, a daughter, and a friend. I have forgotten some of those aspects of myself along this emotional roller coaster. It's time to step off and stop worrying so much.
I'm going to start being proud of myself for achieving my goal. Besides, I have one amazing little girl who is thriving and happy. THAT is the important thing.